Catching Foxes-Hobbies and Marriage

By some peoples' standards, Karen and my first date may have been almost anticlimactic. Our first date was on Sunday June 19th, 1994. We went out for lunch at a Western Sizzlin Restaurant, went to watch the "Flintstones" movie at the theater, went to a local park for a walk and then to my brother's house for a short visit. We finished out the day by going to the evening service at our Church. We had a ball!

 
I sometimes have to scratch my head when I hear some married person say, "My spouse and I just don't have any common interests." I have to wonder how those individuals got together in the first place. On our very first date, Karen and I discovered that we shared a similar interest in going for fun leisurely strolls. To this day, Karen and I enjoy walking through the woods out behind our house or traveling to Jasper to the Riverwalk. There is something magical about walking together, hand in hand, and just enjoying each others' company.

 Hobbies and interests are areas in a lot of couples' relationships that tend to draw them apart instead of strengthening their marriage bonds.  Couples thrive when they share similar interests. That doesn’t necessarily mean each partner will enjoy every activity, but it opens up the opportunity for greater sharing and compromise.  Sometimes that sharing is going to be an act of selfless giving. I say that because one spouse may really dislike doing what the other spouse enjoys, but makes a conscious decision to put their spouse’s desires above their own. I also say that there is opportunity for greater compromise because the spouse who enjoys doing something that their spouse dislikes can choose to alter their activities in some way to maybe make them more enjoyable for their spouse. Let me offer up a example. When Karen and I first got married, Karen did not like to fish. It wasn't her thing. I loved to fish but I didn't want to go fishing by myself. Karen decided to support my fishing desire by going with me, but instead of fishing she took her cross-stitch or crocheting with her. Since Karen loves to cross-stitch, crochet and sew, over the years I have learned to do all three so we could spend time together doing what she enjoys. It truly is about sharing and compromise.

Time together as a couple has to be guarded and kept as a high priority in order to keep the relationship strong and growing. When couples are dating and newly married, spending time together is a top priority. But as time passes, and responsibilities increase, that priority is often allowed to slip further and further down the list of importance. In some cases, it may even get abandoned completely. Justin and I have found that it is sometimes necessary to find creative ways to spend time together. It takes not only sharing and compromise, but intentionality as well. In our desire to make the most of the time available to us, we have learned that we enjoy a lot of the same activities, such as the walks Justin mentioned earlier. We also both like to camp, garden and just work outside in general. These have become “our” hobbies and we do them together.
 
As Justin said, when we were first married, I took my cross-stitch or crochet projects along and went fishing with him. Over the years, though, I laid down my needles and picked up a fishing pole. I developed an interest in fishing and now enjoy it probably as much as he does. And during hunting season, I will go sit out in the woods with him. Not only did I gain an enjoyment for fishing and hunting, I learned that these things can be fun simply because I do them with Justin. Now I still crochet and cross-stitch, but I’m more likely to do them when we are watching a movie or traveling and I need something to keep my hands busy.
 
Of course, this doesn’t mean we never have any time to ourselves. There are times when each of us will have a few hours to spend alone. One example is opening day of firearms season. Justin likes to go out by himself on that day. That is his time. On the occasions when he takes the boys on a father/son outing, I get my time. There is nothing wrong with couples having hobbies they enjoy doing alone. However, it becomes an issue if those hobbies start to cause division in the relationship. Then it is time to re-evaluate.
 
For me, one of the best things about Justin and me spending “hobby” time together is the company. We have grown closer in the process of exploring different activities and finding out which ones are a good fit for our relationship. Even when we encounter something one of us enjoys more than the other one does, our relationship is strengthened by both of us participating in that activity together, because it is an investment in our marriage and in each other. Both spouses win when each puts the others needs and desires above their own. Marriage is the most important and most intimate human relationship a person can ever experience. I can’t think of any better place to find a best friend than within that relationship. No matter how many other friends I have, or how close those friendships become, my very best friend is and always will be the man God has given me the blessing of spending my life with.